How To Spot A Dallas Douchebag In The Wild
Meet, the Dallas Douchebag.
The Dallas Douchebag Fashion
Ed Hardy Shirts
The Ed Hardy craze has definitely reached its fashion peak. Hopefully it won't be long before the Ed Hardy brand goes the way of Uggs & Miniskirts, Crocs, and tie dye. If you run into a few of these ubiquitous fashion items in a Dallas bar, run far far away, because you may have entered the realm of Dallas Douchebags.
Affliction Shirts
Much like its fashion twin, Ed Hardy shirts, an Affliction shirt is a staple in many a Dallas Douchebag's wardrobe. How is it that we let questionably stylish clothing, promoting a small California brand, and MMA fighters penetrate so far into our culture? I know we all like to get a little edgy, but really?
The Sideways Cap
Didn't this go out of style in the early 90's? I could have sworn it did. Despite the fact that I know fashion comes in waves, this is most definitely a faux pas. Next time you see a couple of these in a Dallas bar, flip a few of those caps in a new direction - and then run really fast.
Blonde Frosted Tips
Yet another early decade fashion trend that's definitely run its course. When was the last time you saw frosted tips, and it actually looked good?
An Over Reliance on Hair Gel
You know those Axe commercials? The ones where girls correct a guy's over gelled hair? Those have to be the only somewhat accurate Axe commercials out there. Coming from a guy who used to use a lot of hair gel back in the day, I can tell you that crusty hair did not feel good, so I can't possibly imagine it impressing a member of the opposite sex.
Popped Collars
Yes, popped collars are still an issue. I thought we figured out that popped collars were just a staple of douchebaggyness… but, apparently not. Much like the Ed Hardy shirts, if you see a few of these in a bar, turn around, walk out , and head to the nearest dive bar.
The Dallas Douchebag Lifestyle
Expensive Cars, Cheap Apartments
A Dallas Douchebag is all about the nightlife. And when your out on the town every night - you gotta be sure you have a bitchin' ride, right? After all, what good is picking up your date in a used civic when you could just as easily sport an Audi? Of course, the typical Dallas Douchebag isn't exactly rollin' in the dough, so it often comes at the expense of other things, like living space. Don't be surprised if the next Dallas Douchebag you see in that sweet european, also lives in the Village.
This train of thought plays right into…
The Dallas Douchebag Attitude
30,000 Millionaire
The 30,000 Millionaire attitude is the hallmark of any Dallas Douchebag. Eager to make a name for themselves, and intently focused on image, the Dallas Douchebag lets nothing get in his way, especially money. So if you're with a Dallas Douchebag, and he happens to order a round of drinks - be careful, he just might not be able to pay.
Thanks to @mathewl5, @justjessib, @dallaszip75201, & @erinjkelly for help on the post!
